As I sit here on this night before easter I have not been very faithful in spending time in the word or with the Lord this week. I have taken a new position at the company I work for and have been working 2 jobs. However, that is by no means an excuse. My Lord considered my life valuable enough that he gave up His is a really brutal way. For that I confess, to whoever reads this and to our God. I am rocking my 8 month old daughter and begin to think about what the disciples must have been going through on this night just a short time after seeing Jesus die on the cross.
I think it is amazing how when we look at the week leading up to the crucifixion and resurrection we can parallel it to our own salvation experience in so many ways. I want to focus on the night prior to His and our resurrection. I have heard many people say I wonder how the disciples were feeling on this night? And truthfully we will likely never know. The bible does not give us a lot of details about the time between the crucifixion and the resurrection for the disciples. However, I know for me I can look at the moments, hours, and days leading up to my new birth in Christ and get a pretty good idea.
You know they had to be thinking "really? This man, who I dropped everything for and followed Him, who claimed to be God just died. Where do I go from here.". I have no doubt in my mind that they believed Jesus but there had to be doubt. You know everyone in their lives had been telling them that Jesus was a lunatic. When I look at my life as it lead up to the point where I truly surrendered and was born again I had the same feelings. I had grown up in church, been baptized. Everyone thought that I truly believed. I even thought I had believed.
So many times we focus so much on how our physical lives can reflect our relationship that we never have a resurrection. We focus on living right, trying to follow God in our actions; even talk about Jesus. However, until we reach the point where we lay all that aside and recognize that because Jesus conquered death (and therefore sin) through the resurrection; it means nothing. You see, had Jesus not been resurrected then all the disciples had taken part in and witnessed would have meant nothing. Same way in our own lives, if we just try to live right without acknowledging the resurrection in our hearts through surrendering to Christ then it means nothing.
So you know that as the disciples were in that room they were feeling the same anticipation and anxiety that any person believes in the moments leading up to being born again. They knew in their hearts He was for real, but until he walked in and proved that He was who he said, they were doubtful.
I hope that if you read this and do not know if you have a personal relationship with Jesus you would think about it in that way. Just as the disciples surrendered to Him once you surrender your life to Him, He will walk through the door of your soul and resurrect you to a new life.